Act of Sin
by Iced Blood
Summary: Edward reflects on his brother, and how Alphonse continues to have faith in him despite what he's done.


Hollow sobbing echoes.  
Dry tears fall as naught.  
Existence falls from his shaking grip  
As truth of self is sought.

And here I stand in shadow,  
Beyond his empty eyes.  
Guilt as a blade flies through my heart  
And all self-interest dies.

My spine would break if not for him,  
His reassuring weight.  
The blanket of his lasting shadow  
Keeps me walking straight.

Will I stay determined?  
Strong as the steel that makes my arm?  
Will I give that which was stolen  
And not cause further harm?

I'm filled with indecision.  
I don't know where to go.  
But I cannot help but keep this pace--  
My feet will never slow.

My guilt is always prodding,  
Although he'll never blame.  
Whenever I look on his form  
My heart constricts with shame.

A self-imposed cross to bear,  
He always says I shouldn't.  
But if he thinks I can forget  
I'll only say I couldn't.

We have a curse upon us,  
Because I thought I could save her,  
And if there is a God up there  
I've fallen from His favor.

His curse is to lose himself,  
Mine is that I know,  
That I took from him the happiness  
He always used to show.

But still he stands right by me,  
An armored act of sin.  
And all that I can think to do  
Is give a straining grin.

Someday I will give it back,  
Regardless of the cost.  
I'll find a way to give to him  
All that he's ever lost.

It's all that I can do for him,  
To show him that I care.  
I'll give up everything I have  
Because it's only fair.

I've ruined everything for him,  
I don't deserve to live.  
And if it takes my final breath  
It's all I'll have to give.

I love him more than anyone,  
And I'll gladly give it all.  
My life, my soul if it's required  
Even if that payment's small.

My life may not be worth that much,  
I'm certain that it's not.  
But there isn't any choice because  
It's the only thing I've got.

And so I keep on moving,  
With his shadow at my back.  
His echoing voice is all I have  
To keep my mind on track.

You know I love you, Brother,  
And you love me as well.  
And all the things you've done for me  
There's far too much to tell.

That's why I have to do this.  
I owe to you this much  
For all you've ever done for me,  
The reassurance of your touch.

So let them take all that they want.  
Don't try to stop me now.  
I know you don't want me to hurt  
But I have to keep my vow.

It's all I have to hold to,  
This last, this final goal.  
Even if I lose it all  
I have to make you whole.

You won't be whole without me,  
You scream this in my face.  
I don't deserve such blind devotion  
In light of my disgrace.

I thank you now, my dearest brother,  
I don't deserve your love.  
You say you love me for my selflessness  
Despite the lack thereof.

I'm nowhere near as selfless,  
As you like to believe.  
If you think it wasn't selfishness  
That did this, you're naïve.

I was thinking only of myself,  
I didn't care about your health.  
I didn't care about your life,  
As long as I could end my strife.  
I didn't realize till too late,  
As I looked deep within the Gate,  
That she was gone, but you were here,  
Right by my side, I needn't fear.  
And what did I do, genius me?  
Since I was much too blind to see?  
Though you're still here, I've ruined you,  
And left you with this empty view,  
Left you in this empty shell,  
Left you in this armored hell.  
And yet you hold your faith to me,  
My shortcomings you never see,  
And that golden faith inspires me  
It brightens everything I see.

…But no matter how bright it seems to be,  
When I see my reflection staring back at me  
From the cold, empty body I've put you in  
I feel a shade from deep within.

I just can't take this anymore  
My heart is heavy, dark and sore.  
I just can't bear to see you there  
And know it's because I didn't care.

I love you, yet I've hurt you so  
And so now I have to let you know:

If I die, don't grieve for me.  
You'll be what you deserve to be.  
And I'll have rectified my sin,  
And a new, bright life you can begin.  
It's my last hope, my last request  
And if it comes I'll be able to rest  
And you'll at least be left to live  
The life that I was able to give.

* * *

_My first FMA fanfic, I hope it wasn't too repetetive. I've recently fallen in love with the entire series, and felt I had to write something on it. How did I do?_


End file.
